Footnoted: Too early for worst footnote of 2013? (Apollo Group - APOL)

So imagine our surprise when we read yesterday’s filing to find out that John Sperling, the company’s outgoing Executive Chairman, a title he has held for the past decade and whose duties he has been paid $850,000 a year to perform, would be retiring to Chairman Emeritus. The new gig won’t pay quite as well, but it’s not exactly a gold watch either.

Indeed, Apollo’s board, whose members include John Sperling’s son, Peter, decided to give the elder Sperling a $5 million “special retirement bonus in recognition of his many years of service with the Company and the important contributions he has made as leader and visionary.”

But wait, as they used to say in those old Ginsu Knife ads: that’s not all! Sperling, who was 91 as of the last filing, will also get $71,000 per month as part of a lifetime annuity and, because it’s hard to pay for cars with that kind of cash-flow, two cars that he used as Executive Chairman will be transferred to him. We’re not quite sure why an Executive Chairman needs two cars, since presumably, you can only drive one car (or be driven in one car) at any one time, but the filing is pretty explicit on this point.